I don't get the Furries, I have to be honest. But my woman seems to like them no matter how unreasonable they are. I suppose there is no accounting for personal taste. She clearly sees something in them that frankly I just don't. In saying that, their bums smell amazing, so maybe that's it. Maybe that's why she's got two- one for her and one for the man, so they don't fight over them.
I'm not going to lie, I'm kinda addicted to sniffing their bums. It's what some would say is a guilty pleasure. 'Cept I don't feel guilty, I just feel anxious in case one of them catches me. But, the danger is quite exhilarating, really. It's win win in that respect. Y'see, that's the thing about the Furries, for all the sniffing and mooching about they do to the family and all the furniture AND TO MY FOOD SOMETIMES (the nerve) they hate it when I sniff their bums. In fact, they get rather violent, so if I get a chance of a sniff I have to get in and out before they notice or I'm nursing a scratched nose, or a cuffed face. It can be humiliating too- especially in front of the family who've been known to laugh. Unkind I know, but I just can't stay mad at them.
"But, Black Menace," I hear you say "You're bigger than them, you could easily take the Furries". Yes, and you would be right, I could take either one of the furry bitches if I really wanted to, but I'm the bigger person, you see. I'm a Spaniel and I have a reputation to uphold. I have to be docile, pleasant and non-aggressive- it's in the job description. One bite of a Furry and that could be it for the whole firm. Cocker Spaniels haven't held the top chosen family dog slot for the last five years for nothing, you know. One bite and that could be it, the Labradors could get right back up there, or God Forbid, those little fluffy sex addict fake dogs that try and ride you when you're in the park minding your own business. They are already everywhere you look. Give them the top slot and then where would we be?
It's the same with the Littlers, you're not allowed to even look at them funny- even if they are poking you repeatedly in the eye with the point of a retractable pencil and are annoying you when you're a bit tired and they've got a bag of open crisps within easy reach. Not even then. One snarl and that's it, top spot, labrador; game over- expulsion from the Cocker League an absolute certainty. Not worth it- even if the crisps are beef flavour.
So yeah, the Furries, I could TOTALLY take 'em if I wanted to and sometimes I just chase 'em about a wee bit just to remind them that I could, but I'd never do anything. I'll just have to concentrate on the bum sniff benefits, the occasional chance at swiping their food when no-one's looking and keep the resentment stifled deep down. I've just got to all take the beatings for the team.
See you on the park side,
Yours,
Sonny the Black Menace
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5 comments:
Delighted to see your return, lad! Think the Furries might find out what you've said about them?
If you really want to piss them off you could try licking their fur up the wrong way. They really hate that.
Ahh man the furries are annoying, aren't they?Any other animal dragged half dead creatures into the house and spent half their day trying to trip the humans up and they'd be out on their ear. A furry does it and it's oh so cute. what's with that?
I almost had a furry inflicted on me, but my people took pity. I suppose I have a certain reputation to uphold as well (I'm a Rottie), so it just didn't sit well with my people that I cowered in the corner when they brought in the nasty, little stray furry. They left it with the vet the next day. Good day for me.
Hi nice to meet you, Jody here, Kiwi living in Oakland (used to live in London). Have not come across such wisdom in a long spell, lots of life lessons here, I'll be back!
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