I’ve written more times than I can remember about how un-PC my kids are (and by “my” I include all my nieces in this too) but yesterday they struck gold once again.
My mum, the renowned gran, Frazzlegran, and I decided to go shopping this Tuesday. Mum wanted to take me to this great shop her and my sister love called Silver Dapple in Inverurie. She was sure I’d find something I liked there (and I did-see my blipfoto). Stupidly we forgot that all the girls would be off school as it was an In-service day also known as (watch this, I’m going to radge up all teachers with this one comment- you wait and see them go mental) ...also known as “tea and cakes and no kids day”.
“Well just take the girls with us” we chirruped to each other on Sunday, both of us a couple of Chardonnays in. Ah, Chardonnay ... the misguided juice of delusion and forgetfulness.
In the event, the kids behaved reasonably well. By that I mean, we didn’t have to pay for owt we didn’t want to buy by way of compensation, no-one got injured and nothing got set on fire. OK there was a moment in Mackays ladieswear shop where a game of tig and tag got a bit out of hand and I had to chase three of them round the shop and catch them all by the hoods, but other than that, no. It’s not up there on the pantheon of child based disasters of yore.
The kids were bored and their window of tolerance of clothes shopping was closing fast. My mum was still trying stuff on so I agreed to take the three littlest ones, Lil Misssy, Curly Niece and The Pegginator outside to cool down after our round the shop circuit. It was out on the pavement when it happened. An elderly chap in one of those covered over motorised wheelchair/scooter combos trundled past us. The three girls stopped messing about and looked at him with mouths open. Simultaneously they all followed him with their gaze as he went past and sighed “Coooooool!”
I’m sure the chap thought that was ace. For three wee lassies to think his hot wheels were “Coooool” when really they just help him get about a bit, well, that must have put a smile on his face.
"Bless them" I thought. But no, they couldn't leave it at that. C'mon, my daughter is the girl who shouted "Who is that TINY LADY!" in earshot of a midget in John Lewis.
Once the man was only just past the girls Lil’ said her catchphrase of the season, “I want one of those for Christmas!”
“You cannae get one of those for Christmas. You can only get one if you’re disabled” I said, quietly. Key word: "quietly".
“I want to be misabled!!” shouted Curly Niece loudly at the top of her voice. Key word: "loudly".
And then for good measure she shouted it again, this time with feeling, “I wanna be misabled, woman!”
Apologies to all the misabled folks out there. They have done worse, it’s not just you....